POST 5 - Church Discipline: An Evidence of Christian Love

Some More On Step 1
Personal Confrontation

Step One: Go and Show Your Brother His Fault
From 9Marks - Mark Dever Some repetition here but important.

Let's think about the first step in more detail. In most cases, talking to the offender will resolve the dispute without the need for anyone else to become involved. In fact, that's what we ought to hope for—to win our brother over. Given that, we should spend some time preparing our own hearts and minds before confronting someone like this.

Preparing Our Hearts
Ken Sande in his book, The Peacemaker, offers some suggestions on how to do that:

• First, pray for the person you are planning to confront. Pray that God would grow that person spiritually, and that he would desire to know more of God. This will soften your own heart toward that person in preparation for your talk.
• Second, make sure you have just cause to go to the offender. Our minds can be very deceptive. Therefore, pray and think carefully about whether you have a biblical basis to go to this brother or sister. Moreover, prayerfully consider whether you have some fault in this dispute that may require you to seek forgiveness from this person. As Jesus says in Matthew 7:5, "First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
• Third, examine your own heart. Make sure your motives are proper and that you are not going to the offender out of anger, revenge, pride, or some other sinful attitude (Romans 12:19). Instead, be sure your goal is reconciliation—for the good of both your brother and yourself, and for God's glory. Is this more about getting something off your chest, or is this more about serving them and helping them out of their sin?
• Fourth, don't talk to others about your brother's sin simply to make yourself feel better, or to gain a sympathetic ear. It may be fine to talk about the situation with another person if you need wisdom about how to approach the offending person, or if you are uncertain whether an offense really has been committed. But using a conversation as an outlet for anger is gossip. It undermines unity and is a violation of Matthew 18. In fact, even when you need counsel from another person, you can almost always get advice from them without mentioning the name of the offender.
• Fifth, when you confront the offender, remember to act and speak in a spirit of gentleness, humility, and love. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).

Before we move on to the second step in the process described in Matthew 18, we should make two further points.

Confront For Every Offense?
First, you may be asking yourself, "Does this mean I have to go to my brother for every little offense?" Certainly not. Proverbs tells us that to overlook an offense is a glorious thing, demonstrating patience and forbearance (Proverbs 19:11). And Peter tells us that love covers over a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). See again POST 3

You should go to your brother or sister only when the offense has created an unreconciled state between the two of you, or when it presents a danger to the offender.

Some questions to consider: Do you carry the offense from day to day? Is it difficult to forgive the person? Is the sin, no matter how great or small, endangering this person's ability to reflect Christ to the surrounding world? Is it a sign of larger struggles, or could it lead there? If the answer to any of those questions is "Yes," then you probably need to confront your brother or sisters with the sin. Reconciliation is Your Responsibility, Whether You've Sinned or Not

Second, while Matthew 18 requires the wronged person to seek reconciliation with the offender, Matthew 5:23-24 requires the offender to seek reconciliation. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother.

So important are good relationships between Christians that Jesus tells the offender even to interrupt an act of worship to seek reconciliation. What a marvelous picture these two passages present together! When there is conflict between two Christian brothers, both are obligated to initiate reconciliation. They are to rush to each other for reconciliation!

Take the time to reflect on what we have already covered. Maybe look back through the previous posts. Isnt there Wisdom from God's Word on this mandate for the Church?

Again - keep the primary focus's # 1 To Glorify God, #2 To maintain the purity of the church, #3 To vindicate the integrity and honor of Christ, #4 To reclaim offenders – Restoration, #5 To deter others from sin.

We are almost to STEP #2